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Jan 8, 2007
First of, the disclaimer still stands...
Due to insistent public demand, I proudly present MY JOKES VOLUME TWO. *clap* *clap*
Q: What is the dog's favorite musical instrument?
A: a TromBONE.
All: Hahahahaha
Q: What does an angry website say to another website?
A: 'FAQ'!
All: Hahahahaha
Q: What did sherlock holmes name his self concocted favorite drink?
A: Margarita Holmes.
All: Hahahahaha
Q: Who is the armpit's favorite relative
A: 'Auntie' Perspirant
All: Hahahahaha
Q: How do chinese proteins greet each other?
A: 'Whey'?
All: Hahahahaha
Q: What do cats use to groom themselves?
A: a CataCOMB
All: Hahahahaha
Q: What is Vicky Belo's least favorite type of dessert?
A: any kind of Pie
All: Hahahahaha
Q: What bird specie is good in math?
A: Counting Crows
All: Hahahahaha
Q: Why is the noodle scared?
A: Because it's a chicken noodle :p
All: Hahahahaha
Q: Who is the wisest among all kitchen utensils?
A: Plato
All: Hahahahaha
Q: Where do lions go to work?
A: lion's den
All: Hahahahaha
Q: What is the favorite subject of cats?
A: 'Fish'iology
All: Hahahahaha
Q: What is the favorite food of the archers?
A: 'Arrows'caldo
All: Hahahahaha
Q: What do you call a commuting corn?
A: Corn on a 'cab'
All: Hahahahaha
Q: Why is the tocino now healthy?
A: Because it is a cured meat
All: Hahahahaha
Q: What is the favorite drink of alligators?
A: Alli'GATORADE'
All: Hahahahaha
Q: Who teaches the little fishes in fish school?
A: Miss Tilapia
All: Hahahahaha
Q: What do arabs use for writing?
A: Penne Arrabiatta
All: Hahahahaha
Q: What do u call the mother of a chinese dog?
A: DogMA
All: Hahahahaha
Q: What do you call the brother of an elephant?
A: Elephant ka'TOL
All: Hahahahaha
Q: What do you call the fake horse up in the carousel?
A: A 'Phony'
All: Hahahahaha
Q: Why are frogs unimaginative?
A: because their thoughts are but 'frog'ments of their minds.
All: Hahahahaha
Q: What do you call cows who are angry but delicous?
A: A s'Corned' beef
All: Hahahahaha
QUOTE: There is no such thing as a corny joke. It is how the joke is being interpreted and understood by the receiver that the thought in itself becomes amusing or not. If the joke isn't funny enough for you, DO NOT BLAME THE JOKE or THE CREATOR OF THE JOKE. Remember, you can always create your own joke and publish it in your own blog. To each his/her own. Rarrrrrr!!! >:(
P.S. I am not being defensive... Or perhaps I am...but who cares, this is my blog! Mwahahahahahahaha -> Scary Laugh, New Year edition
Posted at 06:19 pm by ladyvoldy
Permalink
Dec 8, 2005
Christmas songs never fail to cheer me up, Here are some of my personal favorites (not in any order):
(1) Carol of the Bells
(2) What Child Is This
(3) God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
(4) Christmas in Our Heart
(5) Oh Holy Night
(6) Noche Buena
(7) 12 Days of Christmas
(8) All the songs in Nsync's Christmas Album
(9) We Three Kings
(10) The Chipmunk Song
(11) The Christmas Song
Sigh, I just love everything about Christmas, Merry Chritmas to All :D
QUOTE FOR THE DAY: Christmas is not just for kids, Christmas is also for good looking adult villains such as moi, the one and only lady voldy, MWAHAHAHAHA >:)
Posted at 10:38 am by ladyvoldy
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Oct 25, 2005
What on earth was I able to unearth?! :D
....all original quality jokes created by Moi! :D
I finally found the list of jokes I wrote about a couple of years ago! At that time, I turned to joke-writing (well crafting is more like it) as an alternative to counting sheeps, as a means to fight depression and insomnia.
So due to insistent demand, I decided to publish the jokes here. In line with this, my sole request from the readers is not to redistribute any of the jokes without my permission as I have yet to have them copyrighted, patented, whatever :P
If you are not the type who enjoys joke-book-type of jokes, then these jokes are not for you. If you still want to read on, then just try not to hurt my ego, ok? :(
Well without any further ado, *drumroll* here they are...
Q: What does a monkey have to pass in order to be a full-fledged lawyer?
A: A MONKEY BAR.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What fruit wears a cheongsam?
A: A MANDARIN ORANGE.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: Why did the early bird drink combantrin?
A: Because it kept on eating worms.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: Why does Batman dislike playing cards?
A: Because it has Two (2) Jokers.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: If a band helps, what is it called?
A: A BANDAID.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: If a banana helps, what is it called?
A: A Banana "Cue"
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: Where do hogs go to deposit their money?
A: PIGGY BANK. (obvious ba...)
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: Where do fishes go to deposit their money?
A: RIVER BANK.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What glue is used by dentists to make a fake tooth stick to the gums?
A: A TOOTHPASTE.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What do you call it when mice jive together with other mice?
A: MOUSE CLICK.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What do monkeys take when they are sick?
A: A BANANA "PILL" (PEEL).
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What flower is full of vitamin D?
A: A SUNFLOWER.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What do soldier fishes ride during war?
A: A FISHTANK.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What is the most dangerous shell in the world?
A: A BOMBSHELL.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What do pigs use to write in a paper?
A: A PIG PEN.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What type of ball does not bounce?
A: A BALLPEN.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: Where do fleas go to buy their food?
A: A FLEAMARKET.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What do dinosaurs read during their pastime?
A: A THESAURUS.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What is Michael Jackson's favorite Halloween character?
A: A JACKO-LANTERN.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: How do you call a Scottish guy in danger?
A: A SCOTCH-ON-THE-ROCKS.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What do you call it when the heart is being held captive?
A: A CARDIAC ARREST.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What do you call shellfishes that are accident-prone?
A: "CLAM"SY.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What instrument do chickens play in a band?
A: DRUMS, BECAUSE THEY HAVE 2 DRUMSTICKS.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What do cats win in a competition?
A: A CAT-AS-"TROPHY".
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What thing has an eye smaller than Joan's?
A: A NEEDLE'S EYE.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What did bird say to his friend when he's leaving for somewhere else?
A: BYE BYE BIRDIE.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What did the princess give to the noble man as reward for saving her?
A: A "NOBEL" PRICE..
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: Where do the baby pigs go play?
A: PLAY PEN.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What is the biggest plate in the world?
A: A PLATEAU.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What do i need to read to learn more about the male sex organ?
A: A "DICK"TIONARY.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
Q: What type of bone do dogs refuse to eat?
A: A BONER.
All: Bwahahahaha :)
QUOTE FOR THE DAY: There is no such thing as a corny joke. It is how the joke is being interpreted and understood by the receiver that the thought in itself becomes amusing or not. If the joke isn't funny enough for you, DO NOT BLAME THE JOKE or THE CREATOR OF THE JOKE. Remember, you can always create your own joke and publish it in your own blog. To each his/her own. Rarrrrrr!!! >:(
P.S. I am not being defensive... Or perhaps I am...but who cares, this is my blog! Mwahahahahahahaha -> Scary Laugh, Haloween edition
Posted at 12:56 pm by ladyvoldy
Permalink
Sep 9, 2005
Just when you thought the area for innovating iPod has already been saturated, Again, here comes Apple surprising us with an itsy bitsi tiny iPod aptly called the iPod Nano.
 
Impossibly small
Take everything you love about iPod and shrink it — then shrink it again. Now meet iPod nano, the pencil-thin marvel featuring a color display, up to 14 hours of battery life and space for up to 1,000 skip-free songs, audiobooks and podcasts.
Just to visualize how small it actually is, take a look at this:
 
The iPod Nano almost looks like a domino block, the only difference is it's white, it's colored and it can play a number of songs. The iPod Nano, like the shuffle, is being catered to two (2) segments. One for those who want 2GB of memory space, and one for those who prefer a slightly bigger capacity at 4GB (same with iPod Mini). To top it all, it also has the click wheel feature, although i cannot really fathom how easy or hard it is for one to browse through the songs with such a small player. I can only conclude that this one is made for the pinky instead of the thumb... although it would have been a totally different story if i were mahal or mura instead hehehe (No pun intended).
Apple never ceases to amaze us. So, in line with this, what can we expect from them in the future? iPod Chicklet? iPod Paper? I really can't say, the only thing that is certain is that iPod has really revolutionized the way we listen to music.
QUOTE FOR THE DAY: Sometimes, less is more...
Posted at 10:58 am by ladyvoldy
Permalink
Aug 31, 2005
Introducing the Virtual Laser Keyboard for Palm Treo 650
 
Roughly the size of a disposable lighter, the Virtual Laser Keyboard leverages the power of laser and infrared technology to project a full-size qwerty keyboard onto any flat surface. As you type on the projection, optical recognition detects your keypresses and transfers them to your Bluetooth enabled Treo 650, complete with realistic tapping sounds.
The Bluetooth Virtual Laser Keyboard comes with a self-contained, rechargeable lithium ion battery that provides it with an internal power supply, so it doesn't need to drain any power from your Treo 650. The battery lasts several hours, ample time for emailing, instant messaging, SMS'ing, typing documents or updating your calendar and phone book entries.
Now brace yourself for the price: mytreo.net price $199.99
I've read some reviews and apparently it does not perform as efficiently as it looks. Nevertheless I salute the company for coming up with such sleek-looking innovation. This is definitely a first of its kind and may possibly pave way to where all future designs of portable keyboards are headed.
QUOTE FOR THE DAY: To err is human, To have a Palm is divine :D
Posted at 12:17 pm by ladyvoldy
Permalink
Aug 26, 2005
Is it possible to be happy if you've never been sad?
Is it possible to feel bliss if you've never endured pain?
Is it possible appreciate beauty if you do not know what's hideous?
Is it possible to know what is right if you do not know what's wrong?
Is it possible to love if you've never been loved?
Is it really harder to forgive someone for being right than for being wrong? [HP6]
QUOTE FOR THE DAY: Kids can be mean at times, but maybe they just wanted other kids to experience harshness in order to understand happiness, thus be able to relish this feeling particular of joy.
Posted at 11:59 am by ladyvoldy
Permalink
Aug 23, 2005
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Close to fifteen years ago, I watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory for the first time. To date, I have watched the film for over a hundred times already and I can just as clearly remember how happy and fulfilled this movie made me feel every single time.
Presumably, this adaptation was crafted not just to satisfy the "kiddy urge" in us, but also to unintentionally touch the innermost chords in our hearts and souls. Last year, I finally got to read THE book. Roald Dahl wrote "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" with his trademark wit, dark humor and sarcasm; but apparently (and ironically for that matter) not with the same purpose and intent in mind, as opposed to what the 1970 classic somewhat conveyed. The story line was the same, but the book was written in a manner that is very matter-of-factly, relatively full of idiosyncratic ideas, less heart, less emotional, ergo more frightening. Which in fact is actually very Roald Dalh-ish, as he is known to have authored other well known household albeit "dark" kiddy stories such as "Matilda", "The Gremlins" and "The Witches" to name a few.
I've seen the Tim Burton adaptation (and on the first day at that!), and I'm glad to proclaim that despite my exceedingly high expectations-which were exponentially increasing by the day, I totally very much enjoyed the movie.
As a self admitted Willy Wonka obsessed fan, please bear with me as I ramble on... :p
The Story
Obviously, this adaptation is in many ways more faithful to Dahl’s classic. It was nice to see scenes such as (1) Prince Pondicheri’s mansion; (2) Charlie’s father working as a “capper” in a toothpaste-manufacturing factory; (3) Grandpa Joe saying “yippee” while doing a stupid looking dance; (4) Viking-boat with lots of oompa loompas manning it; (5) Fully trained squirrels testing the nuts (the old movie relied on a story line that uses goose laying golden eggs instead); and a lot more. Some of the things I missed and would have rather gladly seen are the (1) the “lickable” wallpaper room; (2) the room containing fuzzy lifting drinks; (3) the train that gives out volumes of cream but can be cleaned in an instant; (4) ‘ol sleazy slugworth trying to whisper into every kid’s ear; (5) Wonka’s working room where everything is literally cut into half. It should be noted though that some of these old but remarkable scenes are not from the book.
Charlie Bucket
Freddie Highmore as Charlie Bucket was very well portrayed - a lot better compared to his counterpart who played the original Charlie. Freddie conveys so much emotion through his eyes that you would almost want to touch, embrace and console him.
Willy Wonka
Gene Wilder played the role of Wonka in a manner that makes it hard for practically any talented actor to come close. Having said that, I still commend Johnny Depp for the effort he had exerted with regard to portraying Dahl’s version of Wonka to a T. The “I don’t care” and “cannibalism” lines still do crack me up. :D
The Brats
As much as I do not like the old Charlie, the kids who played the brats in the 1971 classic were fantastic! They were a lot better and brattier than the new bunch. Veruca’s shrill way of bellowing “I want it now!” is by far wickedly the best and one of the more notable scenes in the old film.
Oompa Loompas
I understand that the Oompa Loompas are all but digital clones of one actor. I appreciate the idea of synchronicity although I do not think that the face of Deep Roy (the actor) exactly fits the face of an Oompa Loompa. It may also be that I am already used to the old funny looking Oompa Loompas (orange faced) and that is why i seem to have developed an aversion to the Oompa Loompas' new look. With regard to the songs, the old oompa loompa songs were catchy and certainly unforgettable ("oompa loompa doompa di du, i've got another puzzle for you"), nevertheless the new version of songs and dances were definitely a riot too.
Effects
As much as technology has steadfastly progressed in the last 3 decades, you would have thought that we could have expected more from it now that a remake was done. I was really disappointed to see the great room (where everything and anything is edible). The first time I saw the old movie, despite the low-tech effects, I distinctly remember how enamored I was by the looks of the room; sadly the edible room from this new movie had this “feels like you’re on a set” factor to it. As anti-climatic as it seems to project, fortunately, the new movie has a lot of other nicer aspects to make up for this minor let down.
Songs
Some of the things that I sorely missed from the old movie though were the songs ("Candy man can", "I've got the golden ticket", "Come with me, and you'll be, in a world of pure imagination"). Nevertheless, the new songs composed by the very talented Danny Elfman (Batman, Desperate Housewives) are also very pleasant. I loved the new Oompa Loompa songs so much that I can’t help but have this stupid smirk in the face every time I hear these catchy tunes (Wonka’s Welcome Song included). Of all the songs, I personally favor the tune of Mike Teavee’s, and the lyrics of Veruca Salt’s. I now realize that one of the main reasons why I can’t seem to get enough of this new adaptation is partly because of its songs – funny, catchy, superb! :D
All in all, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is definitely a treat not only for the eyes but also for the soul...the soul that is of a chocolate lover and who forever is and will be a kid at heart :)
Scrum-diddly-umptious!
Lady Voldemort's rating for this movie: ***** (5 out of 5)
ok, fun's over, back to reality.
WARNING FOR THE DAY: At times, Lady Voldemort may be all sweet, emotional and tooty-fruity, but be forewarned, she still surely is scary! Rarrrrrrr!!! Mwahahahaha!!!
Posted at 11:16 pm by ladyvoldy
Permalink
Aug 19, 2005
Of all the things i can afford to lose :(
I have a midterm exam to take tonight. The bad news is that i lost the workbook containing all the necessary exercises and notes I should be studying in preparation for the exam. Normally, I'm not the type who just tend to misplace stuff. Speaking of irony...bummer!
The good news is that, wait! there is no good news... :(
Lady Voldy is sooo gonna flunk tonight...
QUOTE FOR THE DAY: All kiddy bullies may have done something horrible at one point in time, but not all will turn out to be all that bad. (Take it from me)
Posted at 04:58 pm by ladyvoldy
Permalink
Aug 17, 2005
Welcome to my place you wretched tresspasser.
First, let me introduce myself.
I am not "a queen".
I am THE queen.
I am not scary, but i try to be.
I prefer to go by my infamous moniker - "she who must not be named".
I am the one and only, LADY VOLDEMORT. (MWAHAHAHAHA -> super evil laugh)
enough said.
QUOTE FOR THE DAY: Happy is the person who takes a piss as soon as he or she feels the urge to do so...
Posted at 04:08 pm by ladyvoldy
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